Hellbound With You (WN)

”But… you loved her, didn ’t you? ” Iryz ’s soft question came.

She swallowed because her voice came out not as neutral as she had wanted it to be. Surely, he had noticed it and that was why he had looked at her with that now concerned expression. She should have held in her emotions a little better.

”I… I think I did but… ” He suddenly sounded a little shaken. ”She ’s an important person to me. And I do like her. I care for her. I really thought I loved her. But… thinking back right now, I ’ve… after all of the thinking I did last night as well, I found out that I am not quite sure if that was me truly in love or was I just actually in pain. Maybe I ’ve just been too damaged that I can ’t even figure myself out anymore. Maybe because I ’ve been in too much pain for far longer than I could remember… more than I could bear and had been so starved for love that I just fall in love with anyone who shows me the least bit of kindness and warmth. I feel like I can ’t even trust my own heart anymore. ” He sighed out heavily as he ran his fingers through his hair and looked at her with a smile tinged with bitterness. ”I hope that you will still want me even after you see how truly messed up my life is, Iryz. How messed up I am, as a person… ” then he lifted his eyes and just stared at her, waiting for the verdict. His gaze was so filled with despair and a sense of lost that Iryz could not endure it.

Iryz walked around the table and stood at his side. He faced her immediately and when their eyes held each other ’s, Iryz bent over and just hugged him silently, just embracing him in her arms and giving him the comfort that he needed – that they both needed right now. She honestly did not know what to say. But right now, she just wanted to hold him like this. It was enough just to be able to be with him.

She did not know everything that he had went through. But just staring into those pain-filled eyes of his was enough for her to realize that he must have had gone through unimaginable sufferings. Things that would be better off not said and recalled for the peace of both speaker and listener ’s mind. Thus, she did not probe.

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”I don ’t want to cause you any more trouble, Iryz. And that ’s why I am being honest with you. If you are troubled that I might leave and go back to Alicia or anyone else… please don ’t worry about that anymore. ” he added in a soft but decisive tone after a long while of them just embracing each other. ”When I saw her with him last night… I was a little surprised that I wasn ’t that hurt. Maybe I ’ve become numb. It ’s… I don ’t know, but after I saw them together last night, all I thought about after that was go back home and finally take a rest. Then I found myself coming back in your doorstep before I even realized what I had done. I want to believe that that was a sign telling me that I am meant to be here. ” He explained wholeheartedly.

Iryz ’ hold on him tightened after listening to him. Her heart was melting like a butter under the hot sun. The corners of her eyes could not help but sting. Her initial impression of him was right… he was a beautiful but broken man.